Understanding Cowboy....?
Home About Me Archives	November 21, 2008 Regrets A man that claims to have lived his life with no regrets is a liar. I have done some things that people think I should regret, but I do not. I have at times forced honesty into situations and yes it did hurt some people. But it did get their conflict or issues down to the base level. If one rebuilds on a false foundation the structure will fall. Am I to be sorry for their momentary hurt when in the long run they are better for it? Am I to bear the guilt and weight of exposing the things they wanted to hide? What gives me the right? Well when the situation involves me in any way I have the right. Sorry, but no apologies there. Contrary to one’s belief I have never enjoyed or relished forcing honesty during a resolution. The true anger is the feeling of my betraying one that thought I the closer ally. There was no betrayal. Just a level playing field. What I really do regret is the times I have hurt people because of my clumsiness. Or the times I have offended people with my humor not learning enough about them to know that I might be broaching issues that were painful to them. I regret words said in anger to my mother. She did her best in horrendous situations. And I blamed her for her weakness and mistakes. But were they weakness and mistakes or was she just doing the best she could at the time? I wish she were still alive so that I could clear those things up. But I waited too long or was too afraid to say the words. I regret losing the two women I love deeply. But I often forget that it takes two in a relationship and objectively I did my best for both of them. They should of told me what it was about me that after years together would cause them to take the actions they did. I have always said and meant that I would do anything for those that I state I am in love with. And the saddest thought to me is that the loss may be because of my lack of style in clothes, or that I care not if I live in a mansion or a house, or that I am disabled, or that I am fiercely honest. Those are my biggest sins to those two women. And I regret every word I have ever said in anger. When I hurt I always end up hurting myself the most by my mouth moving faster than my brain. So yes I have regrets. I regret at seven telling my mother that I hated her in anger. I regret the time I tried to have just a beginning of a relationship with my father but he could not even respect me simply for being a live and being a human being. That was the starting point that I suggested we both approach communication from. I also regret that I could not have helped more people, and helped those that I have more than I did. I have no regrets that the regrets I have are fewer than those that I have reached out to without any expectations of return. For that reason I do not regret my life at all. But yes there are times I wished that I had learned how to sit silently within my own hurt and not say many things I have. It is a price I will never be able to pay. So if you truly have no regrets, you are an angel. I tip my hat to you and wish I had met you somewhere along the line so that you could have taught me earlier. I confess though that I doubt that you exist. I still have so much to learn, to do, and so little time left.
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Understanding Cowboy....?

Regrets

A man that claims to have lived his life with no regrets is a liar.

I have done some things that people think I should regret, but I do not. I have at times forced honesty into situations and yes it did hurt some people. But it did get their conflict or issues down to the base level. If one rebuilds on a false foundation the structure will fall. Am I to be sorry for their momentary hurt when in the long run they are better for it? Am I to bear the guilt and weight of exposing the things they wanted to hide?

What gives me the right? Well when the situation involves me in any way I have the right. Sorry, but no apologies there. Contrary to one’s belief I have never enjoyed or relished forcing honesty during a resolution. The true anger is the feeling of my betraying one that thought I the closer ally. There was no betrayal. Just a level playing field.

What I really do regret is the times I have hurt people because of my clumsiness. Or the times I have offended people with my humor not learning enough about them to know that I might be broaching issues that were painful to them.

I regret words said in anger to my mother. She did her best in horrendous situations. And I blamed her for her weakness and mistakes. But were they weakness and mistakes or was she just doing the best she could at the time? I wish she were still alive so that I could clear those things up. But I waited too long or was too afraid to say the words.

I regret losing the two women I love deeply. But I often forget that it takes two in a relationship and objectively I did my best for both of them. They should of told me what it was about me that after years together would cause them to take the actions they did. I have always said and meant that I would do anything for those that I state I am in love with. And the saddest thought to me is that the loss may be because of my lack of style in clothes, or that I care not if I live in a mansion or a house, or that I am disabled, or that I am fiercely honest. Those are my biggest sins to those two women.

And I regret every word I have ever said in anger. When I hurt I always end up hurting myself the most by my mouth moving faster than my brain.

So yes I have regrets. I regret at seven telling my mother that I hated her in anger. I regret the time I tried to have just a beginning of a relationship with my father but he could not even respect me simply for being a live and being a human being. That was the starting point that I suggested we both approach communication from.

I also regret that I could not have helped more people, and helped those that I have more than I did.

I have no regrets that the regrets I have are fewer than those that I have reached out to without any expectations of return. For that reason I do not regret my life at all.

But yes there are times I wished that I had learned how to sit silently within my own hurt and not say many things I have. It is a price I will never be able to pay.

So if you truly have no regrets, you are an angel. I tip my hat to you and wish I had met you somewhere along the line so that you could have taught me earlier. I confess though that I doubt that you exist.

I still have so much to learn, to do, and so little time left.

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